IT is not the easiest matter in the world to strike a humourous note in connection with billiards. Yet I have seen much that would come in this category appertaining to the greatest of indoor games. Who has not heard the story of an extraordinary ending to a billiard handicap somewhere in the "eighties"? This was long prior to the revision of the rules by the Billiard Association of Great Britain and Ireland, India and Colonies —to give the organisation its full title.
GETTING along with the story, though, is the matter of the moment. Just imagine the final heat of a handicap, "250 up," and both players well inside 240; the hopes and fears of the cueists, and that delightful all-gone sensation at the pit of the stomach, upon which the patent-medicine vendors descant with such gusto. To such a pitch of excitement was one of them worked that, with a splendid "game on," he played with the wrong ball. His opponent was dumbfounded at this unexpected incident, the while the victim of it looked around for sympathy. Recovering from his surprise, the other player, taking counsel of his friends, claimed a "foul" stroke. This was allowed him by the marker, who was officiating as the presiding genius of the game.
Now, under the old rules, in the case of a player using the wrong ball, his adversary, upon claiming a "foul" stroke, was allowed four options. He could play with either of the white balls, compel his adversary to play the stroke over again (though it would still be a "foul" one), he could have the balls "broken," or "break" them himself. The central figure of my story, who was so advantageously placed, was a trifle uncertain as to the mode of procedure following his rival's faux pas in playing with the wrong ball. So, appealing to the marker, he said: "What am I to do? Which ball do I play with?" And the reply, without one word of qualification, came from the marker: "You can play with which ball you like, sir!" With an originality and presence of mind which, had they been devoted to other pursuits, might have earned him undying fame, the player scanned the table, and rushing eagerly to it, made a magnificent losing hazard with the red ball—one of the best strokes ever seen in the room. As may be imagined, chaos reigned subsequently.
The player could not be persuaded that he had infringed the rules. He refused to go on with the game, saying: "The marker told me to play with which ball I liked. It was the only thing I could see 'on,' so I played with the red ball."
WHETHER or not this game led to the Revising Committee of the Billiard Association laying down the strict injunction that any player playing with the red ball should forfeit the game, I am not in a position to state. This rule, too, has not failed to generate some quaint touches. A friend of mine, who has much ingenuity about him, was playing billiards—or, I should say, attempting to play billiards—the other day. On happy occasions he has been known to make a ten break. Imagine, then, the surprise of his opponent with the game "89 to 39" against my friend, when the latter, with the utmost confidence of tone, remarked as he went to the table—"You will not have another stroke, old chap!" His opponent smiled at the optimism of my friend, passing his statement by as one unworthy of comment. "Really, I mean you will not have another stroke this game!" said my friend, and with that struck the red ball. An easy way to get the game over, you will say! It was, indeed.
I DO not know exactly how the unwonted feat was accomplished, but I am more than a trifle incredulous as to what foundation it can have from the hard point of fact.
The fifteen balls were arranged in the pyramid. A burly player with a heavy cue—requisite essentials, I take it, to the achievement of the marvellous shot I am about to speak of—slithers the latter implement to and fro, and with one powerful delivery "bangs" the playing ball into the cluster of red spheres. They part, and scatter and clatter, "kissing"' and "bumping" all around the table. By triplets and pairs and singly they disappear into the yawning cavities—the whole fifteen of them! Game in one shot! A memorable stroke, and one to be spoken of for years. But what is that? Oh, horror! It will! No, not quite! Yes, it does! A terrific shout from the spectatorate of this great shot—the white ball has followed the example of the coloured ones and fallen into a pocket. The bathos of it all! All the balls "come up," and the player "owes one." What a dénouement!
THE cue that Roberts took with him to Australia has quite a history attached to it. He has played with it constantly for the past thirty years. I wonder how many points it has scored for him during that period! A portion of it—the identical "butt" which was used by old John Roberts in the memorable match in 1870, when W. Cook wrested the Championship mantle from him — belonged to his father. After his defeat the latter handed the cue to the fin-de-siecle celebrity, young Roberts, whom it has seen through the stress and trouble of his many hundreds of matches ever since.
Little of the original piece of wood remains beyond the "butt" or handle. As it wore down from constant "filing" and re-tipping a splicing of wood was inserted to keep the "stick" to its normal length. Roberts always plays best with this famous cue; as a matter of fact he cannot play his proper game with any other.
MENTION of Roberts recalls to my mind that he is the possessor of numerous curios and trophies which he has had presented to him during his many tours. The recently deceased Indian potentate, the Maharajah of Patiala, who was a very fine billiard player and great patron of the game, was a firm friend and most liberal patron of the great English cueist.
One of the prettiest little jewels it has ever been my lot to cast my eyes upon is a diamond chalk box that this Sikh grandee presented him with. It is of most unique design, with three circles of small diamonds around it—ninety in all. Although it holds the usual sized piece of "St. Martin's Blue Chalk," Roberts but rarely uses it, for the reason that the brilliant blaze of the scintillating rays of the precious stones might have a disconcerting effect on the optic nerves of his opponents.