This league has run for ages and ages
With stories to fill so many pages.

Personalities and characters abound
And many a tale is to be found.

Like one whose idea of a perfect cannon
Is to hit the ball from here to Shannon.

Always beware of playing such men
They can hit them quietly - now and then.

The latest tale that has come to light
Is of an ordinary match on an ordinary night.

It concerns a man of high repute
His handicap status is beyond dispute.

He can put 'em together like shelling peas,
Brings many opponents to their knees.

Now, during the match, the tale that I tell
He stroked 'em about, he was playing so well,

But in playing a cannon - and he played it right
Just a bit of bad luck and he lost the white.

But the red is still there and he strings it along
Just like Bing Crosby singing a song.

When the break gets higher, about ninety-two,
It's realised full well that he's scoring a few.

But about at this stage as we all should know
There's a limit as to how far you can go.

"Hey, what about the in-offs, ref?"
A voice calls out from on the left.

"It must be ten or twelve at least
He's a man possessed, having a feast."

This gets the ref all in a fluster,
Who then tries hard his thoughts to muster.

"Don't worry now, haven't you seen
He's had some pots there in between."

The opponent falls about in terror
At the thought of such a major error.

In-offs, pots, they're all the same
Just hazards by another name.

"Oh Dear!" says the ref feeling small,
"I didn't expect to count them all.

So call it ten, it doesn't matter
Next time I'll bring a calculator."

The opponent feels a little sore
At the thought that there could be five more.

And sure enough plain to see
The break went on to one-one-three.

So when playing against a certain name
Who is very good at the in-off game.

Whilst watching, leaning on the shelf
Just count the hazards for yourself.

The player won't know if it's less or more
He's concentrating on building the can score.

So when it's ten (or more or less)
Shout, "Come on. That's the limit Ref".