Scene: The Ogre's Castle.
FILTHY FOUL and the SPIDER are talking over a drink: they are on the best of terms. The Spider, however, has been unable to find the hiding place of the MAGIC CUE.
The Old Crone's Aunt (who has turned into a frog) is sitting in the window catching flies.
OGRE: "Spider, my friend, I'm very glad you called, Since by the county I have been black-balled; Things have been dull, I've had a lonely life, Nobody calls, not even the vicar's wife.
That frog was once an aunt: her niece, my nurse, Since her I sacked, I've lived beneath a curse.
You should have heard that hag consign me to perdition Because her aunt I entered in a jumping competition.
The thing got round, the vicar sent a note, I put up for the Council—not a vote.
The niece's name was Parker: she's been gone for years."
SPIDER: "Here, have another drink and drown your fears.
What's half so merry as the sound of 'What I'?
Although they charge us twelve and six a bottle.
Come, pass your glass and have a double, then The soda water syphon,—now—say when."
OGRE: "Well, good health, Spider"(coughs) "Gad, you've made this strong.
Now, listen to my tale, it won't take long...
No doubt you've wondered how I got these features— This face unlike all other human creatures."
OGRE'S SONG.
When I was but an infant I'd a wet nurse,—sir, named Parker.
She'd had fourteen husbands—all dead.
Every one a billiards marker; With ham sandwiches she buried 'em.
For each one bought a wreath In memorium; on billiards balls She made me cut my teeth.
Though she loved me like a mother Her behaviour was such That for miles around the county folk All swore she was a witch.
She meant to make a 'champ' of me, And mixed a pretty brew, Linked herself up with a demon To produce a magic cue.
But being over eager to produce the cue and case She got her incantations mixed,— I got this billiards face."
SPIDER: " Hard luck, old bird, but there it is, why bother?
Forget it, Filthy, come on, have another.
Oh! by the way, the cue, I'd like to see, Where do you keep it? won't you show it me? " OGRE: " Well, at the moment, no! so please don't press it, Its hiding place is where no one would guess it.
Although quite plain to all, there is no trace, The secret is a case within a case.
Two villains tried to steal it once; their tomb Is in a dungeon 'neath this very room.
They've got a billiards table, and each day With rubber cues they spend their time in play.
The balls are hard boiled eggs, the cloth is thick with glue: A Scotsman one, the other is a Jew.
They always play for cash, it's rather funny: The joke is that they haven't any money.