An interesting meeting convened by a few representative 'Varsity men was held at Oxford on Friday to consider a proposal to memorialize the Senatus with a view to getting billiards added to the Curriculum. Mr. Rimington-Wilson presided, and among others present were Lord Howard de Walden, Sir Oliver Lodge, M. Camille Flammarion, Messrs. G. Bernard Shaw, Hilaire Belloc, Wallace Ritchie, H. W. Stevenson, Bart Kennedy, Mr. and Mrs. Sidney Webb, etc.
The Chairman explained that under the invitation of some of the most advanced of the bright youths of Oxford— whose names, however, he was not at liberty to divulge at present—they were assembled to discuss the important question, "Should Billiards be included in the Curriculum?"
Most of those present in the room were aware doubtless of the keen interest he personally took in the furtherance of the only indoor game that really appealed to men of brains.
("Hear, hear," and shouts of "Billiards for Women" from Bernard Shaw and Mrs. Webb), and perhaps on that account his advocacy of a much needed reform might be regarded by them as biased. ("No, no!"). But he could assure them that he came to this table with an open break —he meant open mind—and was prepared to weigh, test, and balance each ball—that was, argument—as it came before him. By way of introduction he might be allowed to draw the attention of those assembled to the fact that already on the other side of the border several School Boards were seriously considering the question of including golf in their local Board Schools' Curriculums for the children.
They would, of course, know that football, boating, hockey, and other games were now stamped with the official approval of the educational authorities throughout the country. Was billiards to be compelled to wait in the outer darkness much longer? ("No.") He hoped not. He felt sure the common sense of those assembled would not permit such neglect. For himself it was his firm belief that where there was room for a hockey club to swing there was room for a billiard ball to anchor. (Loud applause.) Mr. Hilaire Belloc said he approved of the proposal but was unable to make up his mind whether to ask that the game be included in the Arts or the Sciences. It was a very pretty question and would have been excellently debated by Thomas Aquinas in the Jacobins of St. Jacques, near the Parloir aux Bourgeois, by the gate of the University—(cries of "cut i t" from the Fabians)—or by his new friend Victor Grayson, or by both front benches In the House. (Cries of dissent). Well, he would say as a man who loved good ale that whether one's time was spent, expended, laid out, lavished, employed, wasted, or squandered, we were all about to be gobbled up by the jaws of sport, and by the grace of St. Anthony and other patrons of his he preferred to die actually potting the red rather than live and pretend to be taking a hand at another game which they would know probably he had renounced for ever.
Sir Oliver Lodge was of opinion that billiards should be included in the Sciences, and suggested that its proper place was in Mechanics. He did not advance this for the reason that he was more interested perhaps in Applied Mathematics than in the sister Sciences, but for the reason that the theories of Force and Motion—without which he assumed they would agree the game of billiards would be non est—were only to be found fully treated in that branch of natural philosophy. The noble knight then proceeded to explain in detail his theories of Force and Motion—after which the meeting adjourned for lunch.
On resuming, Mr. H. W. Stevenson said that he had been struck with the truth of at least one of Sir Oliver's statements. He referred to the part of that gentleman's speech in which he stated that "Daily observation shows that a body never spontaneously passes from a state of rest into one of motion." That sentence had stuck in his mind because it so forcibly reminded him of his friend Diggle.
Perhaps some of his audience had seen Diggle play. (Loud cheers and cries of "Good old Diggle.") But apart from that statement he found himself in entire disagreement from Professor Lodge. He personally would class billiards among the Arts, and if in order would move that Apollo be adopted as their god. Of late he had been paying close attention to the different notes or musical tones arising from the clashing of the balls, and had come to the conclusion that billiards had been much misunderstood. It might interest his hearers to learn that he was bringing out a brochure proving that the ivories were really musical instruments, upon which he hoped to show that some of the finest melodies could be played. (Shouts of "By Gray?" ).
M. Camille Flammarion, the distinguished French astronomer, claimed that the revolving spheres, and the rotary movement of the balls, showed a clear connection between Billiards and Astronomy; and our reporter is under the impression that M. Flammarion also traced a resemblance between the spots on the sun and the spots on one of the white balls used in the game, claiming this as a further argument in favour of billiards being taught under his branch of Science. But our reporter's French is wry weak.
Lord Howard de Walden urged that billiards was an Art, and argued from his personal experience and also from his observations at matches that the game really came under Drama. The popular Peer then gave some dramatic recitals from his repertory of "Games I have played," which called forth loud and prolonged applause from the audience.
Mr. Bernard Shaw objected to the points of view of all the previous speakers. It was patent that each was anxious to collar the game for his own hand without am consideration for the interests of the game itself. Unfortunately the Nonconformist Conscience had to be reckoned with as well as the Senatus. That Conscience was asleep at the moment so far as practical education was concerned, and he would advise them to let sleeping consciences lie.
As a practical politician he proposed that billiards be taught in the Chemistry Lab. No one was interested in chemistry at present, except perhaps Chesterton, who didn't really count—(laughter)—and the game could be introduced into the Curriculum under that branch of science without raising a rumpus in the country. Chemistry dealt with the composition of substances and the combination of different kinds of matter, and as good a case could be made for including under Chemistry that combination of wool, slate, ivory, wood, rubber, bluff, push, cigars, whisky and soda— (laughter)—and all the other different kinds of matter which went to make up a good game of billiards, as could be made to introduce it to our colleges under Logic, for instance.
When he said "a good game of billiards" they must not think he referred to Chesterton's game. (Loud laughter.) He admired his own more than Chesterton's, although he had never played billiards in his life—(laughter) —as he would like to play it say with his friend, Granville Barker, when they both returned to college to take advantage of a course of billiards under the new Curriculum.
(Scene of wild enthusiasm).
Mr. and Mrs. Sidney Webb supported the proposal to get the game into the Curriculum under Political Economy. In accordance with their usual get-down-to-business method they had come prepared with a text-book showing how the game would be taught in their branch of Science, and delivered a duet dealing with the different heads of their system: Protection (in and out of baulk), Strikes, Taxed Shots, The Law of Averages, Reciprocity, etc.
At this stage Mr. Bart Kennedy intimated that he had to write a new book on Billiards before midnight, and as: was now 10 p.m. it was agreed to adjourn the discussion until a date to be afterwards arranged.